Hackettmans guide to doing Europe like he should have

I would never want to deter someone from the right way to do something. This is why I'm writing this. The hackettman guide to traveling through Europe:

• if you pan to go to large cities and not do small traveling in between these cities in a period less than a whole month then throw the whole backpacking idea out the window. Most large cities have a large population that speaks English. Also every city has pretty much every amenity you can get here in the USA.
• having said that don't bring a giant backpack unless you plan to really hustle that thing to small cities between the big ones and plan to be a vagrant at least a few times. Otherwise you will not need the whole pack and can get away with something that rolls.
• liquid soap. Just bring enough liquid soap for two showers a day ( This I didn't do, I would have taken more showers if I had brought liquid soap)
• the euro rail pass is slightly worth it. Its a discount or rather a prepay for rail tickets. If you look up prices and plan accordingly then you don't need the euro rail shit.
• London is beautiful and england in general is a gorgeous country. But unless you fly there direct don't try to get there from anywhere in Europe. Its entirely too difficult and expensive. I could have flown from Paris to Amsterdam if I hadn't decided to go through London first. By bus and rail first and then bus to ferry after. Great experience but really not worth the money.
• Cinco de mayo in the USA is the Spanish 420 in Madrid at least. Don't know if its every year but when I was there jeez was it lovely.
• Museo de Jambon in Madrid. Friggin delicious and cheap.
• Most hostels strictly adhere to a quiet after dark policy. My drunk ass found that out.
•Don't be afraid of hostels
• An android tablet will get you through most anything. Netflix is not really international, bring movies digitally.
• While in Amsterdam definitely ask the koffee shop people about their product. Most are very helpful.
• weed is not legal in all of holland, its tolerated to a high degree. Smoke where ever just not like an asshole.
• shrooms totally tolerated as well. Don't let anyone tell you different.
•Eat everything. The junk food is still better for you there than it is here.
• Don't fear going alone. Sure its foreign and new. But as long as you're social and keep your wits about you well you should have a great trip. I went with someone, I wish I hadn't. Sure compromise put me on a different route which led me to a city I loved more than I thought but still I invited the person out of concern for myself, by the end of the trip we were barely traveling together. Any person can deal well in these places, unless you go to a known warzone you should be fine.
•Walking fucking shoes. Wrecked a pair of shoes that I wore the whole trip. They were not up to par for my need to wander.
•Wander, by all means wander.
• I would never tell anyone to do something illegal. But I got my swiss army knife through several checked bags through customs and my traveling companion got a leatherman through. Protect yourself and be prepared.

If anyone has questions leave them in the comments. I will be going back one day. For the food and site and ganja. Be well.

An art in itself

I think what I want to write about is loss. Death. Bereavement. Grief. Negativity. Pain. Truth. All of those things have a common place in my head. Because I let them. I realize full well that all of these feelings are avoidable. That with medication and counseling I could be rid of the way I've felt since I can remember feeling. It might be smarter that way. But I guess I lack the intelligence to back down from myself. I am rarely one to back down. I'm not hot headed but I'm also not afraid of anyone, anything.

I'm of the understanding now that without taking risk, gain is unachievable. Go forward without worry of the ground in which you tread. Don't head for trepidation or hope for pain but don't run at the first sight of trouble. Keep forging on as one who will not lose when losing teaches so much. Losing is almost the same as winning, hell it feels that way. Which is terrible. But terrible is reality. Or rather reality is mostly terrible. Not actively though, there are tent poles of terrible and lots of slopes between.

This is what death has done to me. If I really wasn't afraid I wouldn't have a need to create and want to do more. I'd just do it. Something I know nothing about is what I'm afraid of. Something I must not be able to place or want to maybe. Its me that's holding this all up, because even if its something else I don't think I'm actively looking for it. But maybe that's what I'm expressing. That after this whole thing I will feel better because I would have expressed something I felt at one point. Maybe the expense will be all worth it. Maybe this time I can break the lazy spell my mind falls under. Maybe the spell has held long enough. I'm hoping for a lot here. I'm hoping that I can hope. That I'm not just bullshitting myself. Because I see a lot of creatives doing that. They lie to themselves. We tell ourselves little lies all the time, because big realities are abound at all times. So life bears need for a little fantasy. But the goal is the same, express at all costs the self needing to get out. Even bad artist still impress me with the output they seem to have. That's an art in itself.

Minor Unfolding

You can bring yourself outside your comfort zone. To a place of unknown wonder. Marvel at the things that you havent seen. I would describe them but thats not possible. I havent been there. If you have send me a post card.

We can drain the pool of our mind to see whats sitting at the bottom. Its been there turning almost at the speed of the grass growing. What could have so much patience to make its stand like that? Everything else flows like the tide within this egg shaped cranium of mine.

I feel my fingers against the keys. Muddily making sentences. My fingers dont want to type anymore. My head wants to stop thinking. Wish it were that easy to stop this crazy train.

My creativity is linked to pain. I started writing because I didnt know what to do or where to turn. All the substances still drew me to wanting out. Some kind of out, didnt know how or where. If I played bass better then I might have been there. Instead my fingers can dance around this keyboard. Probably blind I could still manage. As long as the home row keys were prominent. I dont know if Id even want to write anymore, touch would be so much stronger. I wish Id have lived like that though. Ive taken in many deep breaths in places where I needed to take the moment in. I can say Ive lived within the moments Ive had, specific moments that really can only be described by the senses themselves. The velvet touch of a persons skin or the scent that infects the room as soon as they enter. But all those are memories. Phantom reality, feeling it even when its way passed gone. I guess I would write if I were blind, would be the utmost amount of pain at this point I can think of.

But you need pain. We all do. It builds you, just the ability to heal needs to be learned. After you pull yourself out and map how you can do that again you hopefully will. Almost keep a hair trigger on your ability to hold yourself together even when you've fallen apart. Have that joint standing by or that drink or that girl or that guy. Because we all break, perhaps we are all broken. But we all break its a matter of just time. No one can keep it up forever. I dont know if learning to climb out of my depression has made me stronger yet. The journey seems short. No matter what age you are my 28 years have felt long, Im sure its not going to get any shorter.

Breathe out, beathe in. Repeat because you have to, because if giving up were going to happen it would have already. If you made it to today you can make it to tomorrow, dont know if this is for the eyes reading or the mind unfolding.

Truly wasted

This is the first of what I hope to be many. What others follow depends solely on how easy it is to make these digital thoughts go from my head to the site. I'm hoping to be a better writer than web designer. Although this is a template but what isn't in this day and age. I believe in having a ton of outlets. I write in notebooks since I can remember. Always as if someone was going to read it. Always the performer. Im going to have a billions thoughts just blarted out onto this. Now that I think I've figured out how blogging kinda works, well in the html sense of the thing.

I wanted earlier to write a status about opening ones self up. Or rather centering ones self. I've always had it that I'm at war with myself. That I have to constantly keep myself locked inside a box in my head. I guess that's the addict part of myself. Addiction has been a pretty strong part of my life, not because I've been able to quell the demons but because I haven't. I may never. Control for me is something so loose that it barely has my attention. Right now my cheat that I'm having on my organic diet is a red bull, 20 oz red bull. I used to drink one or two a day. Haven't had one since a month or two, I had gone into a monster drink phase for a bit. Both are now not even a regular part of my cheating diet. I just needed the boost in my head tonight. Need to wade through thoughts. Which is to say Im trying to center myself. The addiction cycle would in its few and fleeting ways center me completely. When the caffeine hit and the bud was in the right moment all would disappear except the idea that was fighting its way out. Just finished the red bull, wish I had one more. But that's usual, its how I fight my cravings and desires. Id love to drink and smoke 24/7 and probably could again for a decent amount of years. It would catch up. Financially or physically. It always does. See how I cant center. How distracted this course gets. Yet there's a course to be taken. Roads that all I need to do is take a few steps down and the rest will all come easily. Meditation is scary to me, I don't want to fail at getting out of this mindset. I don't want to know that this is where I need to be right now. But days are being wasted. Truly wasted.

I cant open myself so I don't think I can close this. I don't know what this road of trying to write out my head is going to take me. If it takes me anywhere. Whatever may come, I am ready.